No One Told Me I’d Be This Angry” — Understanding Postpartum Rage
You expected to feel tired. Maybe even sad.
But you didn’t expect rage.
Not just irritability — not snapping once in a while.
You’ve caught yourself gritting your teeth, slamming a drawer, shaking with fury because the baby won’t sleep or your partner walked away without asking if you needed anything.
And right after that moment of anger? Shame.
You ask yourself:
What’s wrong with me? Why am I so angry all the time?
The truth is: postpartum rage is more common than most people admit. Especially in communities where emotional control is prized — and anger in women, especially mothers, is quietly seen as dangerous or inappropriate.
What Postpartum Rage Can Feel Like
It often doesn’t look like yelling. Sometimes, it’s a slow boil beneath the surface:
Feeling like every sound — the crying, the clutter, the questions — makes your skin crawl
Wanting to throw something because your partner asked what’s for dinner
Replaying conversations in your head, furious that no one sees how much you’re holding
Snapping at your older child and immediately feeling guilty
Going emotionally numb afterward, wondering if this version of you is who you’ll be now
If any of this sounds familiar — you are not alone, and you are not broken.
Why It Happens (Even When You “Should Be Happy”)
Anger is often the bodyguard for other emotions: exhaustion, helplessness, fear.
In the postpartum period, your nervous system is running on low sleep, high cortisol, and constantly interrupted needs. That’s a recipe for reactivity — especially if you’re also managing family expectations, feeding stress, or feeling unseen by your partner.
For many Chinese or Asian American mothers, there’s also a cultural layer:
A long history of being the “good daughter”
Being taught to endure without complaint
Believing that motherhood should come with endless gratitude
So when anger flares up, it doesn’t just feel uncomfortable — it feels shameful.
But here’s the truth: anger is just information. It’s a signal that something matters — and that something might need to change.
If your experience feels more like a steady undercurrent of frustration than explosive anger, you might also find this post helpful: Why Am I So Angry After Becoming a Mom?
What Helps (Even a Little)
You don’t need to become some serene version of yourself to be a good mother.
Start here:
Recognize the cues. Track when anger shows up — is it always tied to fatigue? Certain dynamics?
Name what you need. Anger often comes from unmet needs: rest, fairness, acknowledgement, help.
Move your body. Even 30 seconds of tension release (a walk, a stretch, a long exhale) can shift the intensity.
Let go of the shame story. Having rage doesn’t mean you’ll hurt your child. It means your nervous system is asking for help.
You’re allowed to feel all of it. Anger doesn’t make you dangerous. It makes you human.
One More Thing
If any of this hits close to home, and you’ve been feeling not just angry but also alone, unsupported, or like no one really understands — you’re not imagining that either.
If you’re looking for something practical — a way to make sense of what’s happening, communicate better with your partner, and stop feeling like you have to carry everything alone — I created a course that might help. It’s built for this exact season, with tools and insights that speak to both the emotional and cultural realities of new motherhood.